It is frustrating when you expect people to be consistent in their words and in their actions, the ability to consistently send a unified message, in attitude, emotions, and behaviors throughout the day, but alas they aren’t. After talking to myself, again and talking to the moon, to the sun, the air and the rain, after complaining (somehow, hahaha) I got to think of myself and asked “Am I a consistent person?” Half of me said “YES” and the other half said “NO”. Most of the time, we wanted someone to do something we want without thinking that they also desire slightly from us. We think we are consistent but we are not. Staying consistent with who we claim to be is not as easy as it sounds. Truly, our actions do speak louder than our words.
I am sometimes have this severe high and low moods, I actually has a jurisdiction over it but at times, I let myself feel and take action on things as if I’m just a kid who doesn’t have the gift of discernment, which gives the impression that I do not know yet what is right and what is wrong, what is good and what is not. Oh well, it is easy to pretend like an idiot, brainless and dim-witted. Sometimes I suck and sometimes I am too good. I have so much in my head, so much thoughts, ideas, philosophies and viewpoints. I am an opinionated kind of creature. I have so much word which I wanted to utter, but I am not sure if there is someone out there who is enthusiastic enough to listen to the rants of a woman, of a girl whose heart is fragmented.
I am actually a dead-pan right now. I am just permitting my hands to inscribe anything, out of my mind, out of myself. Impassive. Inexpressive and Unaccompanied.